Finally got the house to myself, it took me how long?!?! My two little brothers went to work with Charlie today! Some family bonding I guess..LOL. Hm...I forgot how quiet my house could be. On a better note, I haven't got my period yet. Which could mean some good things to come! So..keep your fingers crossed me! Were hoping this time around it worked. That would mean the world to me.

But I'm gonna shut up about it now, cause usually if I talk about it alot, then it doesn't happen. Me and Charlie are so happy right now. And, I have this friend, "Amy" she got married, about 2 weeks before me, but they already have a son. Well all they do is fight and argue. They don't get along. Her marriage is off to such a rocky start. She said that they didn't have any problems like this before, and he always calls her a bitch. And stuff like that.

He want's her change, not to dress soo sexy, or have sex related stuff on her myspace page, cause she's a mother and wife now. She should act differently now I guess. But, he still plays "magic cards"! You know what I mean? And the sad part is, she's actually changing for him! Charlie would have to get over it, or get it, I wouldn't put up with that shit, let me tell ya. He has never called me a bitch, and never will! You know what I mean?

So, sadly to say, I think that their marriage isn't going to make it, which sucks, but some people aren't just meant to be. It just sucks, cause they have a kid, she dropped out of school because of him, she's going to become a "welfare mom". You know what I mean? I'm not saying anything is wrong with that, cause that was my mom, but I watched my mom struggle her whole life, and we went without stuff. And I would never put my kids through that..I wouldn't want to watch any of my friends do it to their either! But what can I do?

Til Next Time Streamers....

Today, Charlie used the smoker, and smoked some boneless chicken with bbq sauce on it, and trust me it was yummy! Plus his mom sent us some home-made mashed potatoes, and they were yummy! Let me tell you all about it!! The smoker works great, he got it from his brother!

So..I'm kind of shocked as to how well my brothers are behaving, I figured, they'd be like *yay* mom's not here, and wow we get terrorize our sister, but No, they shocked the hell outa me. Then again this is just the second day! LOL. So..I probably got some sorta of hell to pay LOL.

I think I love this whole blogging thing, cause I'm not too good with words on the spot, even though right now I'm just blabbing. I just hope no one that I know gets ahold of this! You know what I mean?

Some day, I would love to pose for playboy. Is that horrible? I don't think I would really like to go "fully nude" but you know take some pics! But first I need to get my implants. You know?? Charlie doesn't want me to get implants though! What the the fuck, I thought every guy loved big boobs. lol. But he said "a mouthful is enough, more than that, is a waste!", yup came straight from his mouth! Ya know??

Well, I'm gonna go..cause I'm blabbing!

Til next time Streamers...

So, I haven't posted in a couple of days, me and Charlie went out of town. See, we moved 2 hours away from our family, so..therefore, holidays we gotta lug all our pets and everything else, two hours away. Up there were soo busy visiting everyone, trying to cram everyone in one weekend, is hectic let me tell ya. That I couldn't post anything!

My weekend was ok, I guess. It just sucks cause we just got a kitten (sly) so we had to bring him, then we have a puppy (who isn't fully potty trained ), older dog. Plus we had his niece cause she stayed all week last week. So yea, it was stressful.

Other than that, I enjoyed it, ate alot of good food. My sister in law even made me a basket, cause she know's how much I love candy. So now I'm going to gain like 50 pounds! Me and Charlie decided that were going to start eating healthier after we get rid of the junk food and candy in our house. Now I'm praying that this takes some long long time to get rid of this. Cause I love chocolate and pizza! LOL

My brothers who live in Ohio came and visited me and my Mom, so yesterday when we came home, they came with us. Sooo...I guess this means, NO ALONE TIME YET! Well the puppy (Brutis) is crying cause he wants out of his cage, soo...I gotta go, Ima post some shit later...aight???

Til next time bloggers..
*Chubbz*

After realizing how mad I was at Charlie, for reasons unknown (seeing as he doesn't do anything), I wanted to dig deep and really find what the real source of the problem was. So as I sit here and pondered, and thought, what really upset me. I could only think about my mom. And the choice's that she made, and her interest. So let me tell you the story.

When my mom was 17 she got pregnant with my older brother. At the time she was living with my dad. So she had him, couple of months later..she found she was pregnant again. With *me*. So, she's pregnant, and found out my dad was cheating on her, with her best friend. So they broke up! Um...she had me, my dad didn't claim me. He thought I wasn't his, so he didn't sign the birth certificate. A couple of months after I was born, she met someone else. My 2 younger brothers dad. She had 2 beautiful boys. Stayed with him for 12 years. So growing up, that was basically the only dad I had. Sure, I seen my bio-logical father, but we never clicked you know? So after a while, I just stopped bothering with him. Ok, so my Step-dad #1 was abusive. Not to me, but to my mom. All they did was fight, he'd hit her, and throw stuff through walls, punch holes in walls, flip dinner tables (with our dinner on it) at my mom.

My mom, was soo over it, after going through it for 12 years! Yea that kind of made me angry. Not only did he hit her, but he sold drugs, did drugs, even took our rent money, and spent it on drugs. Some months we went with out, electric or gas, cause my mom couldn't work. She tried a couple of times, but it never worked out. She got fed up with it, started doing this phone chat line thing. Then, she met Step-dad #2. She would pawn us off on weekends, and go and meet him, talk to him for hours.

Then at the end of 6th grade. The first weekend off of school. She told us we were going to the zoo, and that we were going to meet the "new man". Little did we know, that it was a trick. She was moving us to PA, yea, a state away from all of our family, friends, basically everything we ever known. We left our toys, most of our clothes, basically everything, notes, old cards. Everything I tell ya. So we moved with this new man.

Mind you, we never met him before. So she moved us away, just made us leave. So we moved to this little town, with this strange man. I mean, he could of been anything, a rapist, murder, freak, you just never know these days. *sheesh* So, we moved to this one bedroom apartment, with this guy who was on welfare, he had 3 stupid lil brats of his own. With NO INCOME. Time's were hard! Very hard. My mom went to food banks for food.

As time went on, we discovered that mom made us live with someone that was controlling. We had to ask permission to use lights, time limits on plugging shit in. We weren't allowed to eat when ever we wanted, we weren't allowed to use the phone. We had to do dishes every single night, and clean. While he and my mom sat on their asses! Yea, it was a pretty rough life.

To this day, I could never understand why mom would put us through that, I still don't get why, she would let a man treat her kids like that. And why the hell would she stay with a controlling asshole. All they ever did was fight, he didn't hit her, but we got the belt quite a bit! And it sucked. I'm baffled, and when I ask her why she let us go through this, she said she didn't realize at the time, and everyone made mistakes.

Needless to say, after a couple of months of this, my 2 little brothers couldn't take no more of it, so then went and lived with their dad and grandparents. Me and my older brother really didn't have anyone to fall back on at the time, so I guess we were kinda stuck. Plus I was always the one to take of my mom, so even though I thought it was hell, I still kinda felt obligated to watch over her. Over the years, me and my brother had run away at least 3 times. Each time my mom still didn't understand why.

Yes, eventually he got a job, but he was still controlling, we still weren't allowed to have the lights on, or plug in radios, we didn't have "junk food" or anything like that. We ate alot of pancakes, and not good ones either. At time's we couldn't afford syrup. And while we were eating this, they would sneak Mc.Donald's or Burger King. Something like that. I remember one Christmas, we didn't one thing. His sister sent us some gifts, and that was about it! Another year, we got $20.00, and I needed some more school supplies, so I had to buy that with my mom. But yet, we had enough money to buy them a new office (desk, chair, COMPUTER) oh yea, a computer that we werent allowed to use. I love the fact that we didn't have enough money to use lights at night, but they had internet! You know what I mean?

Needless to say, my mom really fucked up, by getting with her husband. Now I get along with them, but I have never found myself to forgive him, in 6 years, the only thing he ever bought me...was a $10.00 bathing suite at which I needed for gym class, or else I would fail! So yea!! I don't think I could ever forgive him or my mom, I hate him! And I really don't hate anyone, except him! I'm sorry that I feel this way. I think I need to just tell my mom about how I'm feeling, but I just want it to be over with.

Now I know, that I will never take shit from no man, sure he may be bigger but if he hit's me, then best believe that he better run cause, my ass is coming after him with a cast-iron frying pan (one in each hand that is)! I know, that I will never put my kids through anything like that!!! I know, not to be so controlling. And I'm glad Charlie isn't like that, cause if he was then, we would never be married right now! But I love him, because he is not like that, and he spoils me and gives me all the attention that I deserve.

I know many might have it worse. But I tend to think that no child deserves what I went through, even though it has made a stronger person, I still have doubts in myself, and it still angers me that she's still with him. You know what I mean?

Hump Day! *yay* So..my day was an okay day, I don't guess. I got up about 11 something, and just as I was getting out of the bathroom (taking my morning pee) and the husband walked in. Yup, already done with work! I mean I love seeing him, and I enjoy the extra time with him, but we need all the hours that he can get. You see in last relationship, his credit got put through the ringer. She wanted him to take out loans, put everything in his name, and him being the nice and loving man that he is. Well it happened. Then, she handled fiances, and appearantly they never had enough money to pay all the bills! Only enough money to keep her credit in good shape! So..Now were doing some repairing, cause we want to buy a house! But no luck yet. Soon...soon though.

The niece is in the tub, so this gives me what 15 minutes of peace and quiet! (LOL) She is driving me crazy. Non-stop. You know? Now I'm begginning to see why her parent's monitor her pop and goodie usuage. You know? Cause now, she's bouncing off the walls! And needless to say, she hate's bath time! But..you gotta keep the girl clean. Today, felt like a friday or saturday. With Charlie coming home early and everything. You know?

Man, I haven't realized how much cleaning I've been doing, but yet, the house never appears to be any cleaner!!! So, now I finally see, this is what raising kids is all about. My mom told me that, it was hard.. but I didn't think it'd be this hard. Well I think it'll be easier, with my real kids, cause they'll have chores, and you know, I can boss them around, and stuff like that. You know what I mean? So..I think I may get off here, and clean or stuff like that ok?

Til next time bloggers..