So I went to Cleveland this past weekend. We left friday morning and came home Monday morning. Saturday my dad got married. That was the first time that I actually saw my dad since I graduated. I didn't invite him to my wedding cause I knew my mom would throw a fit. So I just left it alone. Now I have some regret's on that. But oh well. He will surely be invited to my "formal" wedding. I can't believe that he married that girl. Out of all of his ex girlfriend's he chose to marry her? But it's his life. He didn't choose my husband either. So there's not much to say. Friday he wanted me to stay at his house. So we did. (me and the hubby). It was okay. But his "fiance" (at the time) was very stuck up and barely talked to us. Which made us feel un-welcomed. And un-wanted visitors. His wife's lil sister live's with them and she too was stuck up. But oh well. I can almost garuntee that we will never stay there again. I'm sure if the hubby didn't start drinking that night then we would of been staying somewhere else that night.

Their wedding was okay. And the reception boy was there some good food. I got to see some family that I haven't seen a while (year's). And everyone got to meet my hubby which was a good thing. Everyone seemed to really like him. Which make's me feel really good. Saturday night I stayed at my grandparent's house. They really like the husband too! My gma, hubby, cousin, brother and I went to the movie's. We seen that Chuck and Larry movie. It was good. I think I'm going to buy it when it come's out on dvd. Sunday we were suppose to go to the zoo. But it rained So insted we hung out and I went and seen an old childhood friend. She just had a baby. And boy was her lil girl the cutest thing ever!! And it made me realize how now more than ever that I really want one. But still hasn't been blessed. And I've been praying really hard. But it will happen when the timing is right I just know it. So monday we came back home. And boy is it good to be home!!

Now today I've been cleaning my ass off. And finally I think that I'm getting somewhere! Oh yeah we got our pup back from my brother. Thing's didn't work out with them..so were back up to 3 dog's and cat! LOL

Well I'm gonna go and clean somemore fun fun fun

Til Next Time Bloggerzz
Chubbz

So I had orginally de-activated my blog and have now chosen to make it active again. I don't care who find's this. This is me..all of me. And if no one like's it fuck them. I tried starting a new one..but it just didn't feel the same so here I am. I still haven't told the husband about the blog. Considering I already know his reaction..he's gonna flip out if ever find's out. You know? He's a very private and personal information. And I don't think he was too fond of the idea of me writing on Myspace..let alone here.

Soo...let's catch up..shall we?? My old friend. (the one that I told you about that was "stuck up" now) well she's friend's with the husband's ex. (the one that won't leave me alone) So that is going to make for some interesting drama. So I decided that I'm deleting my old myspace account to open up a new one with out any pic's and it will be and remain private. If that's what I gotta do to keep my sanity then dammit I shall do that.

Hmm..that's it for right now!!

Just got through putting clothes away. I would have to say that is one of my least favorite chore's. I don't know why. I have really been slacking on my housecleaning here lately. Like I tell myself all that I wan't to do, and I say "ok, I'm gonna get this list done today" and then I just do the least amount of work. I'm not giving it my all which really suck's. I'm not saying my house is gross, but it use to be alot cleaner, trust me. Um...

It's raining and has been for a couple of day's now. I wish it would stop. LOL Jk. It suck's I got my period today. A big disappointment. I haven't told DH yet. It suck's alot. I just don't get why god hasn't blessed us with a baby yet. But when the time is right, it will come.

I really don't have much to type, well actually I do but I don't really feel like typing it all. I have soo much on my mind. I re-did my myspace today and put alot of thought and heart into it this time. I wasn't looking for a "cute layout" but instead a meaningful layout..tee hee.

Me and my g/f are still trying to hash out all the detail's about our "road trip" this is such a mess. I think we maybe should just save up some money and go there not knowing where to stay or anything...be adventurous..LOL But that probably wouldn't work out too well. I'm still really excited though!!

Hmm..I think that I will be on later, I got alot that I need to type and say sooo bye for now...

Til Next Time Bloggerz...

Chubbz

Someday's I don't want to get up, for the simple fact of already knowing what my day is going to be like. I hate the fact of knowing at 11 o clock I'll be watching the view, 12 I'll be doing dishes and so on. I feel as though that I have soo much more potential than what I'm doing. I feel as if I'm missing out on stuff. And someday's for a nano-second I blame my husband.I feel as though I was robbed of living out my life before I got tied down. I feel as though that it's his fault. But then I realize that I yearn for any other guy's I just yearn for a place in other people's live's other than my husband's. I realize that even if I wasn't tied or married, if I was single, that I still wouldn't know how to drive, I still wouldn't have a car. Once I realize this I feel so bad, for putting the blame on him. It's not like he forced me to get married. I never once regretted the fact that I got married. Cause I love my husband. I regret living so far from town and not being able to work and meet new people. But we are working on that. And I am working on me, inside and out.

Since I moved down here, I have been bored outta my mind, so I eat and eat. Well let's just say that I gained a couple pound's over the year. Well more than a couple in one year I wen't from size 3-5 to 13. Now this is killing me. I wan't my old body back. So, me and the husband are trying Nutrisystem together, and I'm going to excercise everyday maybe that will help bring my spirit's back up. Who know's.

Me and my girlfriend's are going on a road trip in a couple of week's. We are going just for the weekend a couple of state's over to the beach and stay for a day or two. And shop on the way!! I can't wait it's going to be soo fun. Except this will be the first time I leave without the husband. This will be our first weekend apart. Due to our past I'm kinda having seperation anxiety. I wan't to trust him but I don't know if I do. But I'm going to go and maybe he'll prove me wrong and kill my anxiety. I haven't told the hubby about the anxiety for the simple fact that it would probably just create un-needed problem's. You know?!? But other than that I'm pumped!! Were even going to Victoria Secret to get a new bikini!! So it's going to be pretty sweet.

Til Next Time

So I have been feeling alot of thing's lately and happy is definately not one of them. I'm very sad to report that the boy's wen't back yesterday, even though I did know that they would eventually go back I just realize how soon it would be. I love my 2 little brother's with all my heart. And it tear's me up inside that they don't live with our mom. I wish that they would just come and live with me. I feel like I have missed so much over the year's. Every time I see them all we do is catch up on life, and by the time were done with that then they have to go back home. I love being really close to them and at one point all four of us were really close, but living two hour's away from eachother and our living condition's made it almost impossible to keep in contact. I think that is one of the very major reason's for my large amount of anger and resentment toward's her. She broke her kid's up and her family. For that I don't think that I could possibly ever forgive her for. As much as I would love to I just can't. I don't think I will ever understand her thinking or reasoning. I don't think that she could ever justify what she did to her kid's and the reason's. I try to explain to her, it just end's in screaming matches and a dial tone. I'm done trying to make thing's better with her. I'm done being the one to apologize for everything. Most day's I wouldn't care if I'd ever hear from her again. Then there's those other day's and that's what get's me and kill's me. I don't know.

Well...gotta go repost more later...

Chubbz