So I got my period today. I haven't told DH. Every month when this happen's, it alway's feel's like my fault. Like I could of done this or that.. but who know's. Maybe this won't be a good weekend afterall...

I'm dying to get out. I'm dying to get heard. It feel's as though I could scream at the top of my lung's and yet no one would ever hear me. Why? When I got married. I didn't think that my friend's would abandon me. I knew that they wouldn't completely understand me, but I thought..well I hoped anyway that they would try. It's funny how they only come to me when it's convient to them. I'm weak, yes I know this, that why I'm alway's there for them. When I know in my head that when I need them, they will alway's be too busy. I have alway's felt like the outsider. In everything in my life. With friend's, family, when I worked. Is it hard for people to warm up to me? Do I come off as a bitch? Honestly I don't know what it is.

I have no friend's. NONE what-so-ever. And I need friend's. Why? Does my husband want to hear about Britney Spear's shaving her head? Does he care about the new Louis V. Purse? NO. He hate's shopping. I'm bored with my life. I thought I would never say that. I'm bored and miserable. Not with my marriage, but other aspect's.

I have been looking for an outlet, an hobby but I don't know what intrest's me anymore. The only thing that I really use to do was party. Get drunk and strip at parties. I know that I don't want that life anymore, I didn't want that life when I had it. But I did. And now I'm calm and tame. With no where to go and nothing to do. Me and DH want to try to do more thing's together. Go out and such, but we don't know what to do or where to go. I'm not very creative when it come's to shit like that..so if you have any suggestion's, they would be greatly appreciated.

Hmm.. my arm is starting to cramp up now, from typing. So I think I'm gonna go and clean.. *yay*

Til Next Time Bloggerz..
Chubbz

I have alot of shit on my mind, but honestly I don't know if I have the energy to put it all here. So..let's see.

I talked to my mom yesterday. And she told me that her husband slipped my step-aunt's dog some rat poison. To try to get rid of him. See..my step-aunt use to live with her mom (my step-gma). And just recently did she move out. Well she has this old dog. He's pratically blind, he uses the bathroom everywhere.. (even on couches and furniture). Well my step-aunt keep's saying that she's going to get him put asleep. But hasn't done anything yet. And she hasn't even picked the dog up to bring him to her house. (The dog is still at her mom's house). And her mom is getting sick of it. Well now my mom and her husband live with his mom (my step-gma). So his mom (and my step-aunt's mom) want's to get rid of him. So she told her son to put RAT POISION in his food. And I feel horrible. It pisses me off to no end. That's soo cruel. My mom said that her hubby felt bad and wasn't going to give anymore to him..but she probably just said that cause I was pissed. So she wouldn't have to listen to me bitch.

I wan't to my hubby. But at the same time, I'm ashamed and embarassed. To think that my mom would let her husband do that. So I haven't told him yet..but I wan't to and need to. Cause I need to talk about him to it. I thought about calling my step-aunt too and telling her what's going on with her dog. But at the same time is it my business? I'm torn. Don't know what to do.. HHHeeellppp

Hmm..trying to get my bill's and finance's in order. It's hard once you get behind to get caught up again. And it suck's cause it put's a strain on my marriage. I don't want to fight about money. I wish we could live life without money. This vet bill is what really killed us. Our vet bill was $500.00. If we would of never had that vet bill then we would be ahead in finance's right now. I'm currently looking for a job. But all that's needed is nurse's, secretary's, and experienced cook's. I am none of them. I would love to do a secretary position. But I have nothing to put on my resume. So I'm kinda screwed. I don't really even remember how to do a resume. So yea..

We are lookin at a house for rent to own with 6 acre's of land. Were now waiting for the guy to call us back. Hopefully he does call and we can get some stuff worked out. So we might be buying a house. At which I'm excited about. We have already seen the house. It need's some work..but that's what I wan't something that I can put my sweat into and say "I made this house beautiful"..no one else. It would be nice to build memorie's on.

Hmm...

I think that's it for right now...
Til Next Time Bloggerz....

chubbz

So it's September..already? Summer was just here and now it's gone. Pretty soon it's gonna be too cold to swim..but Halloween is coming up. That's a plus. I think that this year, I may hand out candy. (Since I'm too old and my husband won't let me walk around and get candy). But I understand.. "it's for the kid's". lol.

Moving on, this weekend. I had a wonderful weekend. Friday we argued..got it all on the table and then we made up. Came to an understanding and enjoyed the rest of the weekend. We also went and looked at a house.. 3 bedroom. Rent to own. 6 acres's of land. But the catch is... the land is all on a hill. Not much you can do with hill's. So were not moving. But we may have roomate's again. Which kinda suck's but will help us save money for a down payment on a house..hopefully. Or it'll let me shop more... lol

So the puppy is doing wayyy better. He hasn't vommitted since the IV thing. Which is good. He still has a pill he has to take everyday. But other than that..he's soo healthy. And chubby. A cute chubby!

The husband is going to buy me a treadmill. I can't wait. So while I'm watching tv I can walk or run...in the air conditioning. Who can ask for anything better...oh yea..for the weight to just "disappear". Next summer I will definately be ready for my bikini! This winter were doing the "nutri-system" diet thing. So that should be fun...

That it unless I get pregger's. Then I can get as big as I wan't! jk jk lol.. But hopefully I really do get pregger's soon. I can't wait. But I'm gonna jump off here and clean my house..I hear some dishes screaming out to me "I'm soo dirty...I need a bath....someone scrub me" Jeezz..their soo needy lol...

Gotta Goo..

Chubbz

So my pup is doing better..much better. He's a survivor. But only time will tell as to how well he recover's. My other pup who just got nuetured is home. So I have a full house again. The husband came home early today, he wasn't feeling to well. So he's being a baby..lol jk jk.

Hmm..I really have nothing else to say I don't guess. Nothing really new here..

My pup vomited earlier so I yea ME as in IIIII had to give him fluid's through IV. Yea, imagine being woke up to the sound of a puking puppy right next to you and realize that you are laying in it! But he's better now, the vet think's it's cause he had takin his medicine on an empty stomach. Cause he's been fine since..thank gawd.

I'm gonna start reading the driving manual and soon get my license. I really want to find a job and give myself something to do. I am really bored..and about to lose my mind! I'm still waiting on getting pregnant. No luck yet, but I can't wait to be a mommy. It crosses my mind at least once a day. I just wish it would happen already..

Someday..someday, hopefully. Anywhoo..I think that I'm gonna get off here for now maybe I'll post something later.

Chubbz