First off I would like to say "Merry Christmas & Happy New Year" to all!! I know it's a couple of day's late, but everything has been so busy. Ok, so the trip to Cleveland was great! I had such a good time, and it felt good spending some one on one time with the grandparent's. I came back & brought my brother's. They stayed with my mom for Christmas. So that was good.

My Christmas sucked. The hubby's mom had breast cancer 2 year's ago. And on Christmas we found out it came back, so at 11'o'clock on christmas night we were on the road. She has it in her liver, and bone's, all through out her body. All the way up on her skull. So basically it's a matter of time. This is so sad. The hubby he's holding better than expected. It's so sad. All he wants is to have a baby before she passes so she can meet him/her. So let's pray.

Speaking of babies. I think that there's one on the way :) The last time that I had my period was in September. I have taken several pregnancy test's. But they have came back negative. So next week I go in for the appt. I'm really scared, at the result's. :( But I have been trying to stay positive, but no too positive. You know? So that has all that has been going on.

I have to jump off here, I got a kitchen to clean ... lol My job never end's.

Okay, gotta run!

Chubbz

So the husband got his 3rd paycheck from his new job. The first one was only for 2 day's so that one doesn't count. But these last one's they do. He's been working more hour's, and got a pay raise. I thought that this would definitely mean that we wouldn't get behind or never be behind on bill's. We still haven't paid our bills!! I can kick myself in my ass and the hubby's. We get paid, and we blow our money, on stupid shit! The first paycheck, we barely had any bill's but this time, we have all of our bill's due. And he's just lending all of our money out to everyone! He lent 150 out to his sister, so she could buy Christmas presents for her kid's. He didn't bother to tell me about it, til I asked him. I thought that we had already had these argument's and that he was suppose to discuss these thing's with me, before he makes an decision like that. I wouldn't care if it was like 20 buck's or something..but 150. That really makes me mad!! So we owe all of our bill's and next payday, we have to buy everyone's christmas presents. I tried to explain it to him, and I try to practice what I preach. But it's hard, cause I see him spending money like crazy, and then I'm like fuck it, he doesn't care, so why should I?!? You know?

He went to the movie store to buy a movie, he came back with two!! I'm like we can't afford two. We have to make sure that we have money in the bank for Rent-A-Center. We need to pay bill's. Yes, it's only 40 dollar's, but if you add that on to, 2 carton's of cigrettes,soda, etc.. all the little stuff adds up. So I'm so frustrated at this point. I have tried and tried to explain it to him but nothing work's.

Thank god, I will be in Cleveland next week. I swear I really need a break!! From the dog's, from just sitting here, doing the same shit everyday!! But I'm kind of afraid. This will be the first time that we'll be apart since we've moved in together. That's been almost 2 years! I'm afraid that he's going to do something that will force me to break thing's off. I'm afraid that we have it so good, that it's just going to disappear or break apart piece by piece right in front of me, out of my own control! I'm afraid he's going to go to the strip club. I mean I already feel bad enough about my body at this point. I don't know. Is this normal to feel this way?

I don't think that he's going to cheat, I think that I guess, I don't know what to think! I'm sure thing's will be fine.

Hmm, pregnancy thing, not sure what's going on. It's December, I haven't got my period since September, I just took a pregnancy test it came back negative. So I'm thinking that there's something terribly wrong with me. Sometimes I think that I'm not getting pregnant cause he's not the man meant to father my children. But I love him with all my heart, and in my heart I believe that he's the one, or else I would of never started to even try. I'm so lost right now. In life.. everything.

Okay I think I'm done now.

Til Next Time Bloggers.
Chubbz

I've been really tired here lately, that's why I haven't posted that much, this last month or so. I think that I might be pregger's this time!! In October, I didn't get my period, so I took a test, it came back negative, but last month (November) I didn't get my period either. So this could either be a really good thing or a really bad thing!! I'm just praying that it's a really good thing!! So keep me in your prayer's!

The hour's still haven't let with the hubby's new job. I'm getting used to them. It was really hard at first, but I know that it's something that we have to do to get ahead. You know? So I'm dealing with it right now.

Hmm.. I think that that's it for right now... I'm tired and I think that I might lay down.. lol

Okay.