Just got through putting clothes away. I would have to say that is one of my least favorite chore's. I don't know why. I have really been slacking on my housecleaning here lately. Like I tell myself all that I wan't to do, and I say "ok, I'm gonna get this list done today" and then I just do the least amount of work. I'm not giving it my all which really suck's. I'm not saying my house is gross, but it use to be alot cleaner, trust me. Um...

It's raining and has been for a couple of day's now. I wish it would stop. LOL Jk. It suck's I got my period today. A big disappointment. I haven't told DH yet. It suck's alot. I just don't get why god hasn't blessed us with a baby yet. But when the time is right, it will come.

I really don't have much to type, well actually I do but I don't really feel like typing it all. I have soo much on my mind. I re-did my myspace today and put alot of thought and heart into it this time. I wasn't looking for a "cute layout" but instead a meaningful layout..tee hee.

Me and my g/f are still trying to hash out all the detail's about our "road trip" this is such a mess. I think we maybe should just save up some money and go there not knowing where to stay or anything...be adventurous..LOL But that probably wouldn't work out too well. I'm still really excited though!!

Hmm..I think that I will be on later, I got alot that I need to type and say sooo bye for now...

Til Next Time Bloggerz...

Chubbz

Someday's I don't want to get up, for the simple fact of already knowing what my day is going to be like. I hate the fact of knowing at 11 o clock I'll be watching the view, 12 I'll be doing dishes and so on. I feel as though that I have soo much more potential than what I'm doing. I feel as if I'm missing out on stuff. And someday's for a nano-second I blame my husband.I feel as though I was robbed of living out my life before I got tied down. I feel as though that it's his fault. But then I realize that I yearn for any other guy's I just yearn for a place in other people's live's other than my husband's. I realize that even if I wasn't tied or married, if I was single, that I still wouldn't know how to drive, I still wouldn't have a car. Once I realize this I feel so bad, for putting the blame on him. It's not like he forced me to get married. I never once regretted the fact that I got married. Cause I love my husband. I regret living so far from town and not being able to work and meet new people. But we are working on that. And I am working on me, inside and out.

Since I moved down here, I have been bored outta my mind, so I eat and eat. Well let's just say that I gained a couple pound's over the year. Well more than a couple in one year I wen't from size 3-5 to 13. Now this is killing me. I wan't my old body back. So, me and the husband are trying Nutrisystem together, and I'm going to excercise everyday maybe that will help bring my spirit's back up. Who know's.

Me and my girlfriend's are going on a road trip in a couple of week's. We are going just for the weekend a couple of state's over to the beach and stay for a day or two. And shop on the way!! I can't wait it's going to be soo fun. Except this will be the first time I leave without the husband. This will be our first weekend apart. Due to our past I'm kinda having seperation anxiety. I wan't to trust him but I don't know if I do. But I'm going to go and maybe he'll prove me wrong and kill my anxiety. I haven't told the hubby about the anxiety for the simple fact that it would probably just create un-needed problem's. You know?!? But other than that I'm pumped!! Were even going to Victoria Secret to get a new bikini!! So it's going to be pretty sweet.

Til Next Time

So I have been feeling alot of thing's lately and happy is definately not one of them. I'm very sad to report that the boy's wen't back yesterday, even though I did know that they would eventually go back I just realize how soon it would be. I love my 2 little brother's with all my heart. And it tear's me up inside that they don't live with our mom. I wish that they would just come and live with me. I feel like I have missed so much over the year's. Every time I see them all we do is catch up on life, and by the time were done with that then they have to go back home. I love being really close to them and at one point all four of us were really close, but living two hour's away from eachother and our living condition's made it almost impossible to keep in contact. I think that is one of the very major reason's for my large amount of anger and resentment toward's her. She broke her kid's up and her family. For that I don't think that I could possibly ever forgive her for. As much as I would love to I just can't. I don't think I will ever understand her thinking or reasoning. I don't think that she could ever justify what she did to her kid's and the reason's. I try to explain to her, it just end's in screaming matches and a dial tone. I'm done trying to make thing's better with her. I'm done being the one to apologize for everything. Most day's I wouldn't care if I'd ever hear from her again. Then there's those other day's and that's what get's me and kill's me. I don't know.

Well...gotta go repost more later...

Chubbz

So it's raining today..no storming :( I didn't get to swim :(

So the boy's are going back this weekend. I'm kinda bummed but glad that I have spent all this time with them. I just hope that they are happy no matter what! I told them that if they ever wanted to come and live here permantly that the door is alway's open. But they wan't to graduate from their current school. So maybe in a couple of years. We gave one of our puppies to my little brother (even though the puppy isn't so little) I'm kind of relieved but I also feel bad on the same not. I'm torn. But he's too big for me to punish him, and when he get's out it's hard for me to drag him back. He need's more attention than I am able to give him, and more (LOT'S MORE) patience then I have in me. I think he will do alot of good for my brother too, they really like eachother. And hey at least I know he's going to a good home. Couldn't ask for anything better :)

Me and the husband are doing better. We haven't fought in a couple of day's which is really good. I would love to go to the park or library but nothing is in walking distance. So basically I'm screwed right now. We are currently looking into moving to West Virginia. I want to go back to school, and we know a couple of people from there. So we think that may our best bet. So now I'm in the process of house hunting. Then I'm gonna start applying for loan's and stuff like that. So not this year but next year I should be starting school. (when I'm 20 :[) But hey, at least I'm getting there right? That's all that count's. I think it may be better that way anyway's cause we just got a pup not to long ago, so by then he should be fine to leave alone. So I'm gonna be a college girl. In the meantime, I think I'll get a job waitressing or something like that. This will give me something to do.

Saturday his family came down and we had a make up for the 4th. That was nice. Once again my mom had another excuse as to why she couldn't make it. I'm about to just say "fuck her" and give up on it. I'm sick of her being too stuck up, or her being stuck up with her hubby. I think I might just stop talking to her. Anyway's..

Sunday we floated down the river with some people (15 people..well.. 9 kid's and 6 adult's) It was hectic but fun. Plus I got a jump start on my tan. Can't complain about that. We started late in the day ( three o clock) and didn't get done til like 10 and then had a cookout..which made me mad but another bitch another day.. LOL So all in all I had a blast.

Today I feel so tired and drained and I don't know why. I think I may take a nap when I get off of here. Since I have gained soo much weight in the past year from not doing anything. I think that I'm gonna do something about it. The husband suggested that I try that nutrisystem food. I think I might give it a whirl. Just to see how it tastes. I wen't to their website and they have a whole list of shit that I can order. So I think I might try it. I'm just afraid of buying a month's worth of food and it tastes like shit. You know what I mean?? I am also gonna start excercising. And get healthier. I need to. I think that may be one of the reason's that I feel tired all the time. So I don't know...

Well I think that I bored you enough..I think that I'm gonna get off here and take a nap!!!

Til Next Time Bloggerz..
Chubbz