I’m just sitting here. Its almost midnight, and I’m just starting to think. Its true yes I am indeed an night owl. I wonder why I do most of my thinking at night. Maybe perhaps, its cause everyone is asleep, there is nothing to be done, all that is left to do is to sit here and think. Often its my time to write, but tonight, for some reason, I cant write shit. I’m drawing blanks. I don’t know why. Usually I’m full of rhyming and shit to write about. But I don’t know why. Is my life getting boring? Or maybe I’m just going numb or something.

Anyway next subject. I was thinking tonight about what I need to do with myself, to be a better, more grown up me so I’m going to make a checklist. I figured that since I am getting married and I will be someone’s wife, I almost owe it to him, but owe it more to me. So here is my checklist:

Get my license. Going to have a baby (or at least working on it) need to at least have my license.
Figure out where I want to go career wise.
Find out what schooling is needed, where would be the best possible school.
Get at least a part time job, so I don’t completely depend on my future husband.
Lets see that’s all I can think of right now. But I’m sure there should be a lot, I mean A LOT more on the list.

So there goes my list. Lets see if I can actually get some of this shit accomplished. I have my career narrowed down to a couple of things. I just cant decide which one to go with. I just have to weigh it with having a baby and a husband. One of the things that I am considering, is working in a daycare (for my love of little kids) and then eventually open my own daycare. Or I want to be a nurse. But I’m not sure what type of nurse this. One of those nurse’s that work in the…room where all the newborns are, where they feed them, and then they teach the new parents how to feed them etc… So I think that I might call the hospital and check and see what type of nurse that is. I know that I would probably make more money being a nurse, and I know that they are always looking for nurses, but then again there are the long hours also. So I have a lot of thinking to do. But then what if I start school and then get pregnant. It would be really hard to go to school, find a sitter, and then come home, homework and watching the baby. I know that Charlie would help out as much as he could, but I wouldn’t want to put off all of the work on him. What if I do go to school, and fail? I think that’s why I waited so long to go and get my license. I’m so afraid of failure. Oh yeah, another thing that I forgot to add to my list is exercising. I want to start exercising. I know that I’m not fat, but I want to flatten my tummy, and firm up my butt! Charlie loves my body the way how it is, but I’m not too happy with it right now. So I have a lot to do. I cant believe that it’s midnight. Seriously where does time go? I don’t know anymore. Tomorrow is ‘valentines day’ and I think I might dress up for Charlie, you know spice things up. Cause the sex has been lacking ;) . But we’ve been under a lot of stress especially Charlie with work and all. So…I really haven’t brought it up, but I miss getting nookie every night. (lol) but I think I might try to lay down and go to sleep. Cause I’m tired. I just have so much running through my mind right now! So night streamers!

ok so the we took the kitty cat to the vet's office. finally. so we get there. and we have to wait there in the waiting room. so peole come in and sit down. and they ask what happened the cat. we explained what happened, how he came in the house like that. then more people came in, more...and we explained it over and over again...

after about an hour, of waiting and sitting there, being bored out of my mind then they call in the cat, by the cats name, really? like the cat is going to come walking up to the doc... "i hurt my leg doc...". so we took the cat in there, and they said that he got bit from a cat fight so we got medicine for him and then we got the bill.

as we were driving there, we kinda figured you know that since it was an emergency visit, and we had never been there before, it would be an arm and a leg. but it wasnt which was good! on eighty bucks and it was well worth it.

im just glad and thankful that the kitty is ok or that he will be ok. i dont know what i would do without him!!!! i guess that's it for now...!

when will the drama and mishappens stop? it seems as ever since me and charlie got together we were cursed... hm...or maybe someone did curse us...huh?...maybe "marie". but anywho to get back on subject here...last week our water pump stop working! yea it broke which means we had no water for i'd say about....hm...a week. then we finally get our pump fixed (the landlord finally got off his lazy ass and did something about it) and our furnice broke. which meant NO HEAT yup...so we got the furnice fixed, and the water. we finally sat around just enjoyin eachothers company. everything went fine for a couple of days. then some shit at work happened to charlie and so we had to deal with that. for a few days we were good, in good moods...the sex was great .ok...well we have a cat, named kitty kat...orginal huh? and he likes to go outside and play. last night we were soo tired, we didnt even think to make sure that he's inside. so as my boyfriend was leaving for work, the kitty kat came in and he has a hurt foot and i feel bad, like its my fault.his paw is swelled up like four times bigger and he's missing a nail i think. but he wont let anyone get near it, so who really knows? great soo...now were gonna have a freakin outrageous vet bill to go along with the rest of our really great luck thats all...i got to watch the new pup....soo...bye for now!!!

so charlie is sleeping. whats new? LOL im really bored. i got nothing to do. well thats not true, cause i like have a whole house to clean. but...that can wait. today is sunday. the day of rest. lol. but im not resting... in my mind anyways. i just have alot on my mind, but the most thing that keeps running through my mind is that im going to be married soon. im gonna be a 'MRS'. wow...im gonna have a husband. then im obligated to keep the house clean...feed him dinner...and stuff. im just soo excited and pumped. hopefully then i will finally get pregnant. i cant wait to be a mommy. hm...the new puppy is laying there being good {for the moment} i dont know what the kitty is doing...but, looks like and sounds like being good...lol...sooo...im gonna get off here and relax enjoy the peace cause i know it wont last! lol...soo...toodles for now

ok...so lately there has been somethings on my mind. like the fact that me and charlie have been trying to get pregnant since July...! that's like 8 months. and still no luck. charlie has been to the doctors {that was a very scary time} and everything is fine with him. i still havent gone to the docs. cause im scared. like really scared, as to what i might find out. i want to pregnant and give charlie kids, cause he deserves them and i deserve him. but what if i cant? will he still love me? i wouldnt blame him if he didnt want to be with me any more. im confused. we are gonna get married soon though. first we got to go and pick up his tax return check, then we are going to go and pick out rings. then the big day. im kind of scared tho...like i know i want to marry him, but i want to make sure its the right now. and i guess theres no time like the present. LOL...but we will see what happens....i guess. hopefully we get married and things will be good. and then we will be blessed with a beautiful healthy baby. bloggers keep me in ur prayers...lord knows i need them now. its just disappointing every month! it almost makes me want to give up...but i know that it will happen when the times right...i just want the time to be right now. everyone that i know is pregnant or they had a baby and they are all happy and proud. most of them arent even in good relationships, no where near getting married, and here i am ready...mentally, financially and yet still nothing...i dont want to lose hope...but what its hard not to...i guess thats it for right now.