...ok soo im 17 and i have a high school friend who just had a baby well not just had a baby but you get the point....

Since i moved and now i moved back im not enrolled in any school. so i figured i help the "new mommy" out, and instead of her wakin the baby up at the crack of dawn to take her to the babysitters, i'd just stay the night and care for the baby until she got home from school.
Never in a million years i would of thought that a two month old baby would take sooo much energy. yea i kinda figured time...but energy? sooo...my friend leaves for school about...6:30....her parents had already left for work. we'll guess what the baby woke up at 6:45 stayed awake....i mean COMPLETELY AWAKE all day. i thought that it was a newborn, she'd sleep most of the day well boy was i wrong. in the past two months that this baby has been in the world, she has been spoiled. not only did she want held but she also expected for me to pace around the house with her in my arms all day! after about a couple hours of this (and due to the lack of me bein able to sleep in) i was exhausted. i mean 3:30 couldnt of came any quicker!
She's a great baby. but when it boils down to the good ol'truth i thought that a baby didnt take soo much work and energy. now im grateful that i have not made the same mistake of gettin pregnant. even though i must admit it has crossed my mind from time to time in my previous relationship. but it didnt work out and im glad.
I love Destiny thats her name. and i love my friend, even though, she took, no, STOLE that name from me. i look forward to babysittin her again but im not planning on doin this full time any time in the future....trust me!
I guess dealing with the possible consequences of havin unprotected sex is birth control enough for me...so next time im "shacked up" wit some hott guy all i can think about is lil destiny cryin at six sumthin in the mornin....

how come life never stays the same? i always ask myself this. it just seems that everytime i get into an comfortable state of living, something changes. no matter how small it might be it still affects my life in someway. i just dont understand it. every since i was little i have not had a stable life. now my mom was a great mom...she wasnt an alcoholic or an drug abuser. but she very often favored change. soo...as a child growin up....i didnt have the normal childhood that many childern would have. you know how some people has friends that they have known forever....like two kids that were neighbors every since they were knee high? well i never had the chance to experience this.

now a senior in high i am now re-enrolling to this small....lil school where everyone know's everyone...but its not my first time enrollings as a matter of fact its my third time. due to the fact that my mom tends to favor change. through out my high school years, i have had at least four high schools. isnt that just crazy? yeah i thought so too.

at the end of the school year (which is comin closer and closer) i realize that livin in the state that im now currently (as in just moved back.... is not the state for me...so in the beggining of this summer i will again be moving once again.

but this move is different....i will move by myself...scary huh? yeah still not sure what im goin to do with my life. but i like Tennesse its the state for me...and maybe just maybe i might have a love intrest waitin for me... so you see.... back to the point im a "momma's gurl". I have tried to move out once...with my aunt but after about well...lets say six months i was on the phone cryin to my mommy...that i wanted to come home.

so i guess all i can do is pray that someday...maybe someday soon i will finally get the stable life that i have been hoping for over and over again. but i guess only time will tell! i guess thats pretty much it

holla atcha gurl
~Felicia

ok...so...i went to the school today to try to re-enroll and now you got to go to some central office shit. what the fuck...they shouldnt make obstacles to get in school. they should be happy that youth today wants to actually graduate and make somethin of themselves. but the truth to be told...i really didnt care if i graduated. yes i know it makes life easier...much easier. but whats the sense of livin if your not fightin to be where you wanna be at. but anywhoo...to get back on topic...i really dont want a big fancy career. i just want to graduate, meet someone, get married, and have two kids. i say two kids, cause one kid, then that kid is spoiled. two kids just balances things out...or soo i feel that way. so...back to my education. today there is soo much pressure stuck on me...my whole family wants me to go to college. but does anyone know how much college costs now a days? i dont come from a rich family i mean were not dirt poor but were not rich either. everyone has these high expectations for me and they have no plan on even helping me. so....im back to square one. everyone wants me to take out loans and shit like that....but i dont want to start life on my own in debt! its bad enough tryin to survive in this world today without bein in debt! sooooo.....i guess im goin to graduate and just see "what happens"! i guess thats it for right now.........

i lay at night wonderin...how can you love someone soo much just for them not to love you back? i mean why cant "the love of your dreams" be just as committed. i found in the past that...alot of guys (like all of the guys i met) have always wanted one thing from me and that was a piece of ass. now i dont know if this problem is common with other ladies, but i always seem to have this problem. like my last boyfriend...we were together for about 4 months the weekend before he broke up with me he tried soo hard to have sex with me. i didnt really give in. so...he dumped me. yupperz three days after christmas. and not only him but every other guy i have met has also wanted to get a "piece of ass". maybe guys see me as an easy target. maybe guys think im just easy but i just like to play the "hard to get game" im not quite sure....but one thing is sure...im not sleepin wit anyone unless i know he's true...so...i guess i might be a virgin forever...lol

ok...so i really dont know what this whole blogstream thing is about...all i know is that im confused and would like guidance...so if anyone can help please help! it would be greatly appreciated!